December 21, 2016

Merry Christmas, from the Hallmark Channel

So sometimes when I'm bored I resort to watching third rate Hallmark movies on youtube. And when it's Christmas time and I'm making Christmas cards for hours on my floor, I watch Christmas Hallmark movies.
I thought I'd share some of them with you all because everyone should have some cheesy romance movies in their life, right?

(I'm just kidding, don't watch these if you have something better to do.)
(Except for the last one. Watch the last one.)

(warning: sarcasm abounds)

A Cinderella Christmas



Ahh, this movie. I absolutely loved every minute of it, from the weird Aramaic (I think?) subtitles to the super annoying hero who forgets the most obvious things and is such a dork.
It's so romantic how he falls in love with her after knowing her for ten minutes, and then proceeds to forget everything about her!

 I mean, I understand that those masquerade masks really hinder hearing a person's voice. I suppose it's impossible to remember their eyes, despite the large eye holes in the mask. Of course, their face shape and height and personality can't be recalled, because remember she had a mask on.
And of course when you meet said girl three times (without the mask) I wouldn't expect you to remember her as your mystery-mask-girl. And when you meet her the fourth time (without the mask), you don't even remember her from the three times before!

-romantic sigh- Don't you just adore those people who plan to marry someone whom they can't even remember because of a party mask? TRUE LOVE, GUYS. <3

And oh yeah, I forgot how SAD it was when his heart was broken when "Cinderella" disappeared because it was midnight. I mean watch: 29:31.
I cried.

Watch this movie because you'll have so much fun groaning aloud at how horrible the plot and characters are! And guess what? The villain becomes magically nice at the end! Isn't that wonderful? Not to mention the obligatory scene where the hero takes off his shirt and the heroine is just so flabbergasted because WOW HE'S STRONG.

Just kidding. Skip that scene. Skip this movie.
Blah.


Okay, this isn't a Christmas movie, but it was slightly funny and the hero was slightly less annoying and it's based after Pride and Prejudice. Only, Lizzy has just one sister (Jane) and there's no Mr. Collins. Because you know, leaving out the funniest characters is always a good idea.
Also, Lizzy is a dog show handler? And Mr. Darcy judges dogs??

I don't know. I guess someone thought it was a good idea.

Oh. There's a shirtless scene in this one too. Wonderful. If you want to skip it it starts around 59:54 and ends around 1:00:43.

Assuming you watch this movie, that is.

Which I totally recommend doing if you're bored and love weird adaptions of Pride and Prejudice.

PS. Mr. Darcy's sister is actually pretty funny.
PPS. Why are Hallmark heroes all male models?

Christmas in the Smokies

-turns off sarcasm-
Ehhh. Not much to say about this one. I liked the country setting, and the plot was pretty decent. It actually had the strongest Christian message (which isn't much, but still more than the others. :P) and the hero and heroine didn't even kiss which I thought was sweet and refreshing, and fitting in the context of this story. This is one I actually would slightly recommend watching. It was cute.

Just one thing...the hero is...gray? He looks like another male model. Again.

PS. No shirtless scenes. :)



Joking aside, I actually liked this one. It was pretty funny, not too lame, and it has Jack Thornton in it. Enough said. Watch it.

(Another character in the movie is named Jack. The real Jack is named Seth. Why not call him Jack and avoid confusion?!? We all know he's Jack.)

PS. No shirtless scenes!
PPS. Jack Thornton. <3
PPPS. Jack Thornton makes Christmas cookies and sings off-key songs.



This is actually a good movie. Like really. WATCH THIS MOVIE. There's like a dozen "copies" of it on youtube, if my link here goes dead, find it and watch it because...you should. You just should.
The kids are hilarious, Jules is both relateable and funny and just plain fun, and the hero does not look like a male model. Haha. It's so nice having a nice, normal hero! (I mean, except that he's a prince. So he's a nice, normal prince.)
Basically, this is a Cinderella-esque Christmas movie that actually deserves the title (unlike the first movie I listed) and it's so sweet, so fun, and so enjoyable. Do watch it.

Merry Christmas!

18 comments

  1. hahaha. I have tried...and failed... this year to last through an entire Hallmark Christmas channel movie. I think I've only done it twice in my life. (and one of them was A Princess For Christmas, which somehow we catch every. single. year. when it comes on.) Aside from that one, though, I don't think I've seen any of the others you've mentioned. Some of the writing in these things makes me cringe. I was trying to watch one the other day, and my dad watched some of it with me. I think he was visibly wincing the entire time, haha. Then he suggested the two of us go into business and try to write our own scripts for Hallmark, since we could do them so much better ;)

    Some of the titles, though..."Unleashing Mr. Darcy"??? *shudders*

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    1. I don't blame you. ;) And eek yes. The writing is simply awful in most of these movies. Even the best have their moments of cringe-worthy dialogue! I would totally watch Hallmark movies written by you and your dad. :D

      *shudders with you*

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  2. Of all of these, I've only seen A Princess for Christmas. I love it!! Katie McGrath is dazzling and Sam Heughan isn't that bad looking! LOL!!! ;) And yeah, the kids are just plain adorable, plus Paisley Winterbottom (WHO made that name up?!) is the best!!

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    1. Yay! Isn't it just so magical and fun? Katie McGrath is indeed dazzling. So dazzling I cast her as the heroine in one of my new story ideas. :D And I didn't mean that the prince was bad-looking in any way. I think he's pretty cute. :)
      Hahaha! I'm sure whoever created that name had a lot of fun. ;)

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    2. I also have Katie cast as the Heroine in a story! A female Pirate Captain in a medieval fantasy story. I think she would make a fantastic pirate captain on screen.

      :) I was being sarcastic about Sam!

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    3. Really? That's so cool! I can imagine her as a Pirate Captain.

      Ohhhh, hahaha. My mistake. ;)

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  3. OH MY GOODNESS!! NATALIE! This post was HILARIOUS! I love talking sarcastically about cheesy romantic stories, so you've definitely hit on one of my favorite subjects here. And you wrote it all SO well.

    Your commentary on the first movie, though! "I mean, I understand that those masquerade masks really hinder hearing a person's voice." (Mwahaha! Like seriously!) "Of course, their face shape and height and personality can't be recalled, because remember she had a mask on." (Oh, yeah, that's right. And one doesn't argue with a mask. Haha.) Really, that is so ridiculous! And you nailed it with the sarcasm, Natalie. Spot on! :)

    But oh! Ugh. The whole shirtless thing. What nonsense. Why doesn't the hero just try picking up a heavy object or something? That would prove his strength just fine without all the extra hassle. :P

    Another gem of wit from this post. "Because you know, leaving out the funniest characters is always a good idea." Haha. Well put.

    Jaaaack! Okay, that's definitely a point in this movie's favor. ;) And no shirtless scenes? Wow. It's a win-win. Haha. (But, yeah. Why not just call him Jack? It's easier that way.)

    I enjoyed this post SO much, Natalie! Thanks for the laugh! :D

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    1. Aww, thank you!! I'm so glad you liked it. :D

      BAHAHA. Yes, indeed! That would certainly be an easier way of for him to "prove his strength". :P

      :D

      I knoooow. I basically watched that one just because Jack was in it. :P

      Thank YOU!

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  4. We've binge watched Hallmark Christmas movies for the last several years. Some favorites are Christmas Card and the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (the older ones tend to be better). You have to not takes some things super seriously. But some are so cringe-worthy I cannot take them (A Princess for Christmas is one of the worst I've seen). And we all joke about what we call "Hallmark Moments" which are above and beyond super cheesy moments like when couples fall "accidentally" and then "Oh, we must kiss." You should look up the spoof "Every Hallmark Movies Ever in Three Minutes." That might not be the exact title but its hilarious.

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    1. I haven't heard of those. I'll have to keep an eye out for them! Haha, you definitely have to suspend your common sense for these films. :P
      I've seen that! It's hilarious. I love Jostie Flicks videos. :)

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  5. This was well and truly hilarious. :D

    (I have never seen nor heard of this 'channel'. Methinks this is a good thing.)

    ~Miss Meg

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    1. Thanks! :D

      (Really? They have some good films and tv shows, like "When Calls the Heart". You've heard of that, right?)

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    2. Ohh, I didn't know they did "When Calls the Heart"! I've HEARD of that, yes, but not seen it. :)

      ~Miss Meg

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    3. You should give it a try sometime! :)

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  6. I'll try to remember "A Princess for Christmas"--it sounds cute! I'd better leave the other ones alone, though, I'm 99.9% sure I'd die if I ever tried to watch them. My brain does not suffer romantic cheesiness gladly ;-)

    (Oh--the guy in "Christmas in the Smokies" is Alan Powell, from the Christian music group Anthem Lights, and he is actually a really great singer; but of course I can't say anything about his acting talents :-P)

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    1. Heehee! Hopefully "A Princess for Christmas" isn't too cheesy for you. While rewatching it I realized it was a lot cheesier than I realized, but...*shrugs* What can I say? Sometimes I like cheesy romance movies. :P

      Really? Huh. He DOES sing in the film, and if I remember correctly, his voice was nice. I'll have to look up Anthem Lights. :)

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